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Thursday, April 3, 2014

A breakup letter...

            Two years ago I said goodbye to a woman who I had known for a long time. She and I spent so much time together. Too much time together. Years! She was a broken woman fighting demons far bigger than her and I felt burdened by having her around. I was unkind to her. I thought so little of her. It wasn’t nice. It wasn’t right. I needed to be honest with her. It was a toxic relationship. So… we broke up. This is the letter I wrote to that demon stricken woman in hopes that she'd find a way to rid herself of some of those demons. Or, at least, coexist with them peacefully. I think she figured it out ;)

 Dear Self,

There are some things you should know.

Know the difference between what you want and what you need. It’s okay to cry. It’s not okay to quit. Cry when you need to. Get it out. Get back to your feet. Don’t be afraid to fail. There are so many other things in this world worth being fearful of and failure isn’t one of them. You are your greatest ally. Don’t settle or resign yourself to less than what you want. Commit yourself to what’s important and never quit. You aren’t perfect. Stop pretending to be. Stop trying to be. Revel in your flaws. They make you, you. “What if” is a dangerous way of thinking. Don’t plague yourself with it. Listen to your gut. Your gut is smart. Be someone that you can be proud of. Whatever “it” is, let “it” go. You weren’t meant to cling to “it” like you do. Forgive. Overanalyzing things can skew your judgment. Refrain from over thinking. Most things in life are beyond your control. Revenge feels great but it’s never a good idea. Inspiration is everywhere. Look at it. You’re not responsible for the actions of others. When in doubt… breathe. You’ll be old before you know it. Start enjoying life. Giving up on your self is the worst brand of betrayal. You’ll regret it every time. Admit your mistakes then let it go. Taking time to appreciate small things can make a big difference. Thinking too much about the future can be overwhelming. You can get lost in the “not knowing.” In which case, return to yourself and think only about the present. You get what you give so be generous. Don’t be afraid to gamble but do it wisely. Take risks. The reward can be well worth the risk and even when it’s not the knowledge of your own courage is reward enough. Soak it up. Explore options. Saying things in anger almost always results in guilt. Believe in yourself and the world will too. Or they won’t. Either way, it doesn’t matter because you are your greatest fan. It’s not narcissistic. It’s necessary. A victory is a victory no matter the scale or significance. Don’t push people away or one day you’ll find that they have stopped coming around. If you have to spend more than three seconds deciding if you are making the right choice, chances are, you are making the wrong choice. Know your limitations and accept them. Make no apologies for those limitations. It is what it is. There is a big difference between your head and your heart. Figure it out. Be honest with yourself. Always. Don’t worry with being unkind to yourself. So many people in this world will do a fine job of being mean to you. Don’t do them any favors by adding to the insults. It’s good to hope. It’s not fanciful or na├»ve. Control negativity or it will control you. Explore your world. See things through. It doesn’t matter if it’s something huge or something insignificant. It’s important and gratifying to be a person of your word. Anything worth doing is worth doing the right way. Enjoy what you can. Life is hard enough, don’t you think? Have faith in something. A faithless world is a desolate sort of place that no one should ever have to endure living in. Set goals. Hold yourself accountable. Holding grudges is exhausting. Never dismiss yourself. Be decisive. Let go of the past or it will dictate the future. Play to your strengths. Know yourself. Spend time really getting to know yourself like you’d spend time getting to know a new love. There is beauty in heartache. It reminds you that you are still human. Embrace it. Challenge yourself. Don’t make excuses. Never compromise yourself, your dreams, your morals, your dignity, or your self-worth. No commodity could ever be worth having if this is the price.


What would your letter to yourself say?  
Tuesday, March 11, 2014


So... it's Teaser-Tuesday and I've got a little bit of Vital Sign for everyone. This book is set to release on April 11th! Only one month to go. Side note---> Incidentally, while writing Vital Sign I ran across an Indie artist named Mathew Mayfield. LOVE his music and highly suggest you RUN to buy your album/s now. Anyway, here is your teaser. Enjoy, lovies. 
Vital Sign 
I use to have a great life. My little world was bright. I had no complaints. My perfectly simple life made the fall from grace that much more devastating. I plummeted from the heavenly little bubble that I shared with Jake. I fell fast and hard straight into the fiery pits of hell. The knowledge of how things use to be is a bitter sweet torture that refuses me even one moment of respite. I live in a painful reverie that I can’t escape. I had it good once.
That’s gone now. All of it disappeared like vapor into the ether. I’m a lost woman, wondering through grief and struggling to come to terms with my new title; widow. My family says I need understanding and closure. I say a cigarette and a bottle of wine is a much better option for instant gratification.
I’m the awkward depressed one standing in the corner making everyone around me miserably uncomfortable. I’m the one with vacant eyes that society strives to help but can’t. I’m the one who hands out tight smiles and derisive snorts. I’m the widow adrift in this world with no direction. No meaning. No hope. No vital sign.
Sadie sets out on a journey to healing without knowing that things will get far worse before they get better. Despite her general indifference to organ donation she finds herself on a journey to seek out the only people who benefited from her husband’s tragic death.
Resentment runs rampant as she meets the thriving, organ recipients. Anger and jealousy spiral, sending the delicate structure of Sadie’s emotions into a tailspin.
Alexander McBride got a second chance--one that he didn’t necessarily want. Alexander is a game changer for Sadie. She hates him for his health but can’t help feeling at home in his presence. He soothes her grief in a way that is intoxicating; addictive even.
The heart that once fell in love with her now resides in Alexander McBride’s chest. It’s a circumstance that forces her to wage an internal war fueled by grief, anger, guilt, love, lust, and loyalty.
Sadie must discover the things that are vital to going on with her life if she has any hope of finding her way through the all-consuming grief that dominates every waking moment.

goodreads link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18687833-vital-sign

“Don’t worry. It’s solid. Doesn’t look that way to everyone else, but I know different,” Zander asserts from where he has stopped only feet from me. He has turned to face me, leaning against the same railing that my fingers are resting on. His light brown hair tousled and a single lock hanging lazily over his eyebrow. Something powerful, yet perfectly silent sheaths my mind and it’s as if Zander knows that I, somehow, relate to this boardwalk in a way that I related to the beach. Somehow he knows that a part of me wants this boardwalk to last forever even in its weathered condition.

A flicker of hope resonates through me, praying that maybe if this boardwalk could last an eon of high seas, easterly winds, and berating rains then maybe there is a chance for me too. It’s my hope. It’s my ardent prayer. My silent mantra.