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Friday, December 21, 2012

The first legit snippet!

Snippet! The first ever legit snippet of SEVEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK and it's a hefty one to boot! Here it is. Has not been edited yet and stuff changes so, yeah...enjoy!

As I kept thinking about my less than good fortune in the love
department during my seven year marriage I came to the conclusion that my crap marriage was likely my own doing. The age old legend says if you break a mirror, you will have to endure seven years of bad luck. I don’t think I had ever broken an actual mirror but I definitely peered into the proverbial mirror and saw myself reflected in my truest form. I was strong, willful, unbridled, ambitious. I was someone I could be proud of. Years at Aidan's side past and I allowed the person who I knew as me, to be broken, shattered, and forgotten. The true me slipped into the shadows of a dysfunctional relationship and was beaten down into submission until there were no signs of life from the former me. The person who I saw reflected after that was a distorted, lack luster impostor who I could barely stomach looking at in the mirror. I deserved bad luck for sacrificing myself to circumstance. I could forgive Aidan for all he had done and I knew that one day I would. The task of forgiving myself for ever giving up, for letting go of my dreams, my hope, my faith in everything was a task far more difficult than I could ever imagine.

...I wept for the loss. Tears did not come initially, only anger. I swallowed it down like the foulest of anything I had ever experienced the taste of. I choked it down whole and it hit the bottom of my stomach with a crippling, explosive crash. It resided there from then on. The pain and heartbreak lived deep within me, festering and eating away at me like a cancerous growth. I always thought that perhaps
one day I could be purged of my ailment. I thought and maybe even hoped a bit that I would heal emotionally. My mother always said that in order to heal, I would have to be willing to let it go. Clearly, I had yet to arrive at that point. I’m not sure that I will ever be to that point where grief and grudges escape a person’s death grip and leaves them standing as only half the person they were before, but leaves them, nonetheless. As for me, right now, it’s just me and my anger and grief in the throes of a tumultuous dance to a sad ballad on an endless loop.

-Seven Years of Bad Luck

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